Wednesday, December 28, 2005

Sugar headache

Holidays are great. There’s family, food, and a butt-load of chocolate and homemade sweets. The only thing is that you get a HORRIBLE sugar headache for not having any for so long. Enter my dilemma. My head hurts like there are little trolls running a marathon in golf shoes, with the start and finish lines being at my temples. The bastards. If I had all my senses about me, I’d give them a sound beating, then roll them out onto a cookie sheet, bake them, and decorate them like I would gingerbread men. It is the holidays after all.

I will have more tech reviews soon…as soon as those dastardly trolls stop running.

thanks again for sticking with this crazy Chinese girl!

Sunday, December 25, 2005

Happy Holidays!

Hello everyone! It's 30 minutes before the end of Christmas and I wanted to wish everyone a safe and happy holiday.

What did I do for this glorious day off from work? I spent it with my family. And I got a hand blender (YES!).

And I saw 'CRASH', a film released last year where many Los Angeleans' lives intertwined around crashes in Los Angeles. It's a goodie.

Guess who is going to CES and covering the release of 'BLACK' for MTV Overdrive?!?!?!?! No, not Tom Cruise, although I have been told there is a likeness. It's me! More details to come. You all have a wonderful holiday and a great new year.

Anybody make a recipe from the cookbooks yet?

Monday, November 28, 2005

And the winners are...

To all you cool kats that wrote me fun anecdotal incidences that have molded you as fine, upstanding blog readers, I applaud your efforts.

And the kooky-book winners are:
Zach from TN (wow, the south huh)
Caleb from TN (2 winners from TN? Is it fixed?!)
Marcus from CA (hey Cali buddy!)
Mooch from NY (I got nothin')

As for who gets what, it'll be a surprise. Thanks for writing me. And reading me. Now for your next project: it puts the lotion on its skin. Or it gets the hose again. *wink*

There may be one more cookbook in there for you...

Sunday, November 27, 2005

And I'm a big fat liar...but I am posting those products now

Holiday shopping. Why can’t spa treatments go on sale? That would save soooo much shopping. You’re buying the service, it’s easily exchanged, and soooo simple to wrap. But no worries. I have half of my gifts already picked out and ready for purchase. I would tell you what it is, but I know one of the people getting this gift reads this blog, therefore, I have to forgo telling you guys until I give the gift. That’s right sister, you’re making me censor myself. And now everybody pays.

Okay, products I covered while on 24seven GADGET. Now this is not a comprehensive list as I do not remember all the model numbers, but I will do the best to tell you about each product. It seems that the show may be held back until after the holidays before launching on 24seven GAMER VOD service. Check out to see how to get it.

Allow me to preface the quick-look ca-ca review below by saying that I didn’t get to play with a lot of these gadgets for a long period of time. Or even a short period of time. I got three nanoseconds with the gadgets then it was ‘lights, camera…wait for it…wait for it…and break for lunch!’ I love TV.

Garmin iQue Palm pilot and GPS – The Palm is fine, but I really don’t want to hear the GPS system say to me while I am driving 40 mph ‘turn left in 100 feet’. Wait, what? Turn now? Or next turn? Crap. What the? Did I miss it AGAIN? And I have to hold the iQue at a what angle to calibrate the location? I quit.

Sony Ericsson W600 – If you hate having to carry around your iPod and your cellphone, you probably aren’t a reader of this blog. You can upload your MP3s onto this cell and walk and talk and listen and play games, and have yourself a grand ol’ ball sauntering down the street with a product that serves two functions. But don’t think for a minute I am gonna say dump your iPod for this thing. I know what I love.

Egg and Muffin Toaster – the first thing I said when they show me this badboy was ‘Can’t I do the same thing in the same time with my toaster and stove?’ This is what infomercials sell. And since this ain’t no food dehydrator, well, I can’t really say this is gonna change your life, but then again, what do I know? You may love bulky-ass toasters with tiny baby pans that remind you of your Easy-Bake days. Time for a cookout.

Motorola PEBL cellphone – it’s all about appearance with this GSM phone. It’s round, not flat and if given the choice, I wouldn’t take this over the RAZR. But then again, if this was given to me for free I wouldn’t say no. (anybody listening?) If only…

Motorola H700 bluetooth headset – this new headset is TINY TINY TINY. And it has nice spring loaded microphone flip. Yehaw! But I didn’t get a chance to actually call anyone using the device so I cannot speak on its performance. What I do know is that it’s predecessor has a lot of issues with volume, quality, and this model is supposed to have improved upon those faults and has longest reach of all bluetooth sets out there. Plus having a powerful microphone doesn’t mean much when it’s pressed up against your cheek.

2 screen DVD player – why have two monitors? This product decided that it is NECESSARY to have TWO, count ‘em, TWO monitors for car rides. Does it give you any other uses? Nope. Do I have any? No.

Remote control holder – don’t even ask. You have to watch this part of the show. Really.

I am sure I may have missed one or two other products, but I hope this satiates you all for now.

Now I know even after you all read this you will go and order 24seven GADGET VOD service right? Right? Don’t make me drink in a dark corner alone, crying into a blanket because you all got the information you needed from this blog and left the show to never air. Eh, second thought, that doesn’t sound like a bad night’s events. Do what you will. And I will cry for us all.

Monday, November 21, 2005

We've got the Cookbook owners!

To all of you wonderful people who wrote me for the books, you'll get an e-mail from me and they will be sent out this week.

As for the show 24seven GADGET, I'll give you a first-touch review of what I looked at (really just looked, like had 10 seconds with) and tel you what I think of it, but you have to promise to watch the show on VOD if you get it! Or you can pledge the allegiance of your first born puppy, because my world needs to be filled with puppies, rainbows and puppies.

Before I get into the review, whic will be posted by end of day, I will give you a little peek into my glamorous life. this weekend my really good friend Matt celebrated a birthday. He works on a new animation for Cartoon Network's Adult Swim show, MINORITEAM. Matt knows his friendship is meaningless to me, except for his ability to introduce me to people that will get me closer and closer to Meat Wad. Knowing and embracing his role in life, he introduced me to....Master Shake! Master Shake!!!! Hello! This is the close buddy and roommate to Meat Wad! and Mater Shake was trying to cinvince me that Master Shake is where it's at. Well, he even invited Matt and I 0out for 2 for 1 beers to convince me that Master Shake is the party, and after receiving a piece of Meat Wad bling (!!!!!) and chatting about our mutual love and fascination for unicorns, my allegiance is shifting.

One question: why are grown men so fascinated with unicorns? Especially ones that poop rainbows? They are magically delicious. Remember, Unicorns were the pinnacle of Tom Cruise cool, Without the unicorn, look where he is now.

Wednesday, November 09, 2005

And now....

Hi everybody! Thanks for being soooo supportive and loyal! I will give you guys more tune-in info on my new venture hosting ’24-7 Gadget’ as soon as I get it. All I know at this point is that it will air on a cable channel called 24-7 Gamer. It is the holiday edition, and hopefully will continue into the season. I am unsure of their distribution…But you can also catch 24-7 Gadget on VOD on the east coast with Cable Vision. And it will be packaged into some programming for airplanes, the specific airline to be disclosed. With all of these unknowns, don’t you all feel like I am some secret CIA agent whose name hasn’t been leaked by a dude named ‘Scooter’? Crazy crap!

As for the books, some of you are interested and even know what show I used them on…awesome! Ok so I read your comments and some people asked for them before others, yada yada. E-mail me your info and I will get them out to you. I set up this account just for this purpose. askchilan AT Send me a fun fact or anecdote about yourself and if I like it, I'll send you a book. Don't stress. This isn't an exam for AP English. But I will judge you silently from my computer. Know this.

It’s raining and I keep slipping on the sidewalk. It never rains in LA! ugh!

Friday, November 04, 2005

Free! Free! and an appearance!

Let’s get down and dirty here.

I have 4 cookbooks I used on a ‘The Screen Savers’ Weird Cookbooks segment that I would like to give to anyone interested. They include:

Star Trek cookbook
Babylon 5 Cookbook (hysterical)
Vampire Cookbook (?)
And two others whose names escape me right now.

Now how I will get these to you is another story, but if you’re interested in this giveaway, comment on the blog and I will get back to you.

Now for the good stuff. All you blog readers and loyal people have waited long enough. This weekend I will host a gadget show!!!!! For VOD Cable Vision which will also show on 24/7 Gamer! Holler! The Gadget Girl is back!

Not only that, come December 7th, I will do a Gadget Buying guide that will air live on many a morning show. So starting 4 am EST til I dunno when, your homegirl is gonna be pumped up on caffine talking about sleek silver nuggets of metal that your family would love as gifts! Hey for some, nuggets make the world go round. Ok, well, for me it does….

When I know more about the airdates, I will let you all know.

And I do apologize for my long hiatus from posting. I am at a new job and it is VERY long hours and LOTS of work, so I post when I get a chance, but as The Pet Shop Boys sing, 'You Are Always On My Mind. You Are Always On My Mind.'

Wednesday, October 12, 2005

Dom! Doom! Doom! Doom! DOOOOM!

Cool evening. Northwinds at about 10 mph. I get in my car with my sister to catch a new flick, DOOM. As soon as I heard the title, I didn’t rush. Honestly, it wasn’t on my MUST SEE list. But I went anyhow. I thought, well, why not? A small school of fish could have persuaded me to do otherwise, but damnit, I went.

I get in the theater and it is 1/3 filled with press. The other seats were being filled by fanboys. Bring on the Red Vines because it was gonna be a night!

Doom is a science-fiction action adventure that takes place on Mars. Somehow, someway, these humans in the future find an arc that transports them from earth to Mars, where crazy beings are chasing and killing humans for their life-force and Simpsons DVD collections.

There is a storyline about chromosomes, a doctor, a family, and of course, the Sarge. I won't spoil the movie for you gamers and non-gamers, but I will say this, it's gorey.

I expected the film to be really bad, with horrible lines and even worse acting, but I have to say it wasn't as bad as I expected. I would actually benture to say it is decent, maybe because I was expecting nothing, and was pleasantly surprised. And Dwayne "the Rock" Johnson does command a screen when he is on. The lines are very out of hte videogame, with simple staccado verbage that incites laughter, but the movie doesn't take itself seriously at all, so it works out.

When the movie let out, I got up like the other 1000 people there, and I swear, when I rose from the seat, my head must have pierced this protective forcefield of decent air, and I entered the world of stank BO! Oh My! Do theater patrons think that with the AC on you don't have to wear any deoderant? Jebus. Save me. To the ladies room! Note to the dudes, if you have ladies, and i know a couple of you do, they may not enjoy the film. This is why. I went to the ladies room right after the film and never have I ever encountered as much clamour nor discussion of a film while waiting for a stall as I did here. And all the ladies said, 'it's too gorey. It's too violent. It's too bloody.' So you crazy bloodthirsty animals out there, this is the movie for you!

And of many of the actors I have recently had the pleasure of meeting, The Rock has been one of the most impressive in person. He is incredibly gracious, kind, and in love with delivering entertainment. One thing he said when I talked to him about doing his own stunts in the film is 'I know the value of a dollar and if you pay your money to see this film, you don't wanna just see the back of my head here or there, no. You see me doing all that crazy stuff up there.' A man that's such a tall drink of water is a man I like.

Tuesday, October 11, 2005


Yes, I saw the film, and hopefully in the next few days, my crazy ass will post something about the film. Let me just say this, not a COMPLETE disappointment - nope. Not at all.

Wednesday, October 05, 2005

Oy. I am back

Without a lot of hubbub, I return to loyal blog subscribers who, if they haven't passed out from rolling their eyes so far back into their heads, are reading this entry and allowing me to apoligize for my absense.

Ok, so work has been a little bit busier at LTN than I expected. We launched Monday, and it has been a whirlwind of 70 hour weeks, weekend work, and lots of frustrations. But you know what? We got on the air and how, gues who voices some of the promos? Me! Crazy stuff huh? Yup, working here, I write jewels such as 'Hold on to your cojones', and 'We don't speak dorkinese here', and then they bestow the job of voice artist on me for certain shows. Wait til they find out my voice sounds like a kitten being beaten by a punk kid on his way to serial murderer status. That'll learn 'em to take any old girl off the street for a voice!

And what the hell is President Bush doign nominating a good ol' buddy of his to the Supreme Court when she's never been a judge before? Harriet Miers is a female. Yes. Sandra Day O'Connor was a female. Yes. Good parallel there Pres, but really, one had experience as a judge before playing with the big ones on the Supreme Court, and the other is Harriet Mier. We're not hiring employees for a rib shack here people.

Oh, everyone, if you sign up for the LTN Crew ( than you can get prizes and win appearances on our TV network, and invites to our party. That's pretty good.

And now that things have settled a bit more, yes, I will update more often.

Monday, August 22, 2005

Sometimes I wonder...

You know what is weird? People jockeying for their authority. that's what. I mean, this isn't South Park's Cartman saying 'Respect my authority!'. This is a grown woman questioning my need to get pens.

Now for a little back story. Let's say hypothetically that a 'friend' of mine started working for a new network, check it at It's pretty superific. Being at a start-up, there are no office supplies to be had without ordering them first. Logically, 'the friend' orders some. And here is where the trouble begins. Order goes in, yelling ensues about the type of pen, jockeying for authority begins, and the 'friend' goes off about how these pens are not Mont Blanc, but just Pilot pens. Damn. I am not alone in this battle, I know.

little rant, lots of steam. next posting should be about tech related stuff. Hopefully.

Sunday, August 07, 2005

The 40 Year-Old-Virgin

I saw Steve Carell's new movie about a...(drum roll please)...40 Year-Old-Virgin (cymball crash here)! And as much as you expect this to be a non-stop laugh riot, it is also a sweet romantic story, which everyone in the movie wants to make sure you realize. Yes Judd Apatow and Steve Carell, I watched the film and know that down in the heart of it, the movie is a cute love story, but it is full of really great laughs. And a really hot grandmother. You heard of MILFs, here, Catherine Keener plays a GILF, (thank god they didn't call her that in the film), and you can feel your attitude towards her change when she tells you she has a grandkid. The movie is silly, silly fun with some good hearted laughs that a lot of DOODs will relate to.

Enough about the film already. Now about my interviews with the stars. I will recount a couple of funny interview answers I thought would enlighten our muddied visions of life, and a couple that made me giggle.

me: Steve, that was your real hair that was waxed off your chest. But your back had no hair in the movie. Did you wax that?
Steve: No, I was born with all the hair on my back growing out of my chest.

me: What are viewers going to get from seeing this movie?
Steve Carell: I hope the movie makes them want to go out and vote.
Paul Rudd: It's a funny movie. I hope this movie makes them laugh, laugh so much that they pee, just a litttle in the movie theater.

That's right people, the humans that were on the seat before you PEEd on the seat. PEE! You're sitting in human PEE!

thank you and good night.

Wednesday, August 03, 2005

Mind of Mencia

Sorry for the late notice, but I am on Mind of Mencia tonight at 9 pm.

Yeah Comedy Central that made me join the union and pay for the goddamn high initiation fees! With no benefits! Everybody applaud!

The awesome power of blogging

You'll be happy to know that instead wiping down my bathroom mirrors to erase the shameful streaks created in-part by Lysol disinfectant wipes, in-part by my utter laziness to get real glass cleaning stuff, I decided to write in my blog. Being that I don’t blog so often, I thought, since I am inspired, I’d better get typing before the excitement wears off.

You guys know what I did last night? I went to work the Red Carpet Premiere of ‘The Skeleton Key’. (Allow me to digress. The Simpsons is too funny, it’s hard to blog while it’s on the TV.) Ok, so back to the premiere. Kate Hudson arrived fairly early to get through the interviews and as soon as she was in eyeshot (I was in 5th place, after ET, Access Hollywood, Extra, and E!), I thought to myself, Wow. Ms. Hudson was wearing a black gown that was COMPLETELY transparent, with diagonal sequins going across the gown for decoration. Let’s just say I could clearly see below her black thong, and if her little poop machine, Ryder, was there, he’d be grabbing for the mom-juice the entire time.

As was expected, Kate Hudson was extremely kind, believes in spirits, and that when we pass, we go to another place. That and she has a very heave handshake. I thought I saw her place her foot squarely on the ground and push off the other leg as she shakes with her entire 90-lb bodyweight. Good god, some woman has a stronger handshake than I? The world is on pins-and-needles.

As for Joy Bryant, I just wanted to ask her, ‘Are you related to Kobe?’ Are you his wife or sister? But I knew better. She was really beautiful in person, a statuesque woman who ‘respects’ voodoo, hoodoo, or magic. Whatever you want to call it, the funniest thing about it is once her aunt found out that Bryant was cast in a movie that dealt with hoodoo (a branch of voodoo with more focus on folklore and magic), her aunt had her perform certain rituals to ward off evil. Crazy crap huh? I love the world sometimes. All this being admitted while her meanie of a PR person was staring me down telling me to ‘wrap it up.’ An Asian girl giving me attitude? What’s up with that? It’s as if she doesn’t respect the irrefutable bond that all Asian girls share. And forever she will be banned from the Chi-Lan club. And once you’re out, you ain’t never coming back!

That’s about all I got. But wait, lemme give you all a quickie review of ‘Wedding Crashers.’ The movie reaches me in a special place in my heart because, while living in SF, I made it one of my most important responsibilities to crash as many weddings as humanly possible within a month’s time. I made it to two, one an Ethiopian wedding (which was AWESOME mind you!) and the other a traditional and beautiful affair. I wasn’t there for the sex, just the food. I was poor and wanted to eat, what do you want from me? Ok, as far as the movie goes, Owen and Vince shot a wonderfully hysterical movie that deals a lot with love, friendship and just silly raunchy fun. Lots of boobs if you’re into that too. My only beef is that Owen’s character was lacking when placed next to the biting, hysterical Vince. Now, Owen is a talented actor who has incredible comedic timing that usually underscores nuanced performances, however here, Owen didn’t really employ ‘the funny’ as much. Maybe that is what the script called for, but come on! The laughs were all coming from Vince Vaughn. And as usual, he’s playing the female crazed, head-in-the-game, funny, sarcastic guy he plays in all his roles, but here, it works just as well as it has anywhere else. The movie is fun, and Vaughn makes it a laugh riot. Can’t wait to see the same character being reprised for his next movie, and next movie, and next movie. Hey, if it works, don’t fix it.

Monday, August 01, 2005

Hello everyone! Movies are Me!

So I posted a long, drawn out tirade on my life as a bore, and got into something good, talking abnout movies! And the post disappeared, but no matter. I can retype it a bit. I knew I should have saved a version in Word.

Yes, I am lazy. Yes, I need to post more often, and yes, I suck. But sometimes, I think there is nothing special to write about. But then I read your comments and get re-energized to write! Write! Write!

So what the hell have I been up to instead of writing to all you kind friends/readers? Well let’s see. I have been reading (most recently finished David Sedaris’ Dress your Family in Corduroy and Denim) and watching movies, Charlie and the Chocolate Factory, The Skeleton Key and Anchorman.

Can I just say that I wasn’t expecting much from ‘Charlie and the Chocolate Factory’ because, well, the posters don’t do it for me. And my memories of those silly Oompa Loompas dancing don’t entice me unless their meat is slathered in BBQ sauce, sizzling on top of a hot grill. See what effect weird movies have on a young, impressionable mind?

Well, Tim Burton’s Charlie was, in one simple word, AMAZING! Yes! With Johnny Depp playing an odd hermit whose youth was lost due to the missing sweetness of candy, and children whose solipsistic personalities exuded through their perfectly coiffed hairdos, the movie’s characters easily evoked the emotions the director wanted to elicit. Even the dancing Oompa Loompa didn’t make me want to vomit, keep it in my mouth, then suffocate to death like it did when I was a kid. Maybe that’s because the original version didn’t have Danny Elfman scoring the music, or Deep Roy playing each of the Oompas, I don’t know what I can credit the magic to, all I can say is that it is magical.

I was also among the lucky few who got to listen to the producers talk about the movie. And you know what I found out? Each of the Oompas was played by Deep, and by each I mean EACH ONE. When you see 500 Oompas dancing, rowing a boat, swimming synchronized, that’s Deep Roy doing each of those movies, the camera stopping down, moving it over 3 feet and Deep performing it again. You see, much to the producers’ horror, Tim Burton was against using a lot of computer graphics to manipulate everything. And to be honest with you, when I watch the musical sequences, I was looking for the doubling, tripling, hundredth-ing of the Oompa, but all his movements were slightly different. And I found out why.

Now for ‘the Skeleton Key’. See I am one of those lucky dogs who got to go to a preview of the film thanks to Universal. Did I tell you all that I will be the new Entertainment Reporter for Universal? She shoots, she scores and it’s all net! Oh yeah! Imagine me doing a silly dance where my pelvis gyrates with no mission other than to look disjointed from my body. My elbows are jabbing back and forth in a celebration dance and my tongue, for some godforsaken reason, finds itself outside my mouth, as if all this activity dehydrates me and it is searching the air outside my body for moisture.

Ok, the movie, ‘The Skeleton Key’, out August 12th. Right, well, here’s a synopsis in case you’re unfamiliar. Kate Hudson plays Caroline, a young hospice worker who goes to work at the home of Violet (Gena Rowlands) and Ben (John Hurt). Soon, Caroline becomes suspicious of the locked room in the attic. As she continues living there, (insert spooky, ominous music here) weird stuff starts happening, odd, unexplained stuff. Then the sound effects hit the steroids and weights to make you jump in your seat. This is a conceptual thriller, based on American folklore of Voodoo that makes you think, allows you to breathe, and wonder, how often can Hudson mention her age in this movie before I gouge my eye out? And five bucks says she’ll be in her undies. This is a horror flick afterall, and the hot girls are always in their undies. It’s amazing how often this cliché appears in films – baffling really. Peter Saarsgard plays Luke, her kind of love interest. Kind of sidekick. Kind of a lot of things, or maybe not really. Well, this movie moves along like that, kind of, not really, yeah. But I have to say, I love thrillers that work with your mind more than straight gore or monsters. Written by Ehren Kruger (The Ring, Scream 3), and directed by Iain Softley (K-Pax), it isn’t a bad example of American horror. And if you’re into magic, voodoo, superstitions, traditions, or anything based on belief, it can be haunting. The back-story and elements of Voodoo are fun, interesting, and make you believe a little more than you want to, but the acting was a touch on the baby formula side (watery texture, yet vitamin fortified, but if you don’t care because you can’t cook for yourself because you’re a baby who has too much fat on your body to even STAND without assistance, then it’ll do) this film is all right. I would like to go into the story more, but don’t want to spoil it. There are interesting story elements, as well as a twist at the end, which makes it stronger than if it didn’t have that end. Certain story branches could have been developed more, but beggars can’t be choosers. When I saw Charlie, after it finished, I said, play it again. I want to see it again, right now. No pee breaks, no water, popcorn, or candy needed. Just play it again. After this film was done, I thought ok, well, all right then. Do I have to pay for parking? Which makes no sense because that night, I have to admit I was still thinking about the movie and had chills run down my spine. No too bad I think.

And then there’s Anchorman: the Legend of Ron Burgundy. Now being a fool who got tricked into getting digital cable and HBO, I saw this movie twice within a two-week span. And let me just say that the move gets better the more you see it. God, Will Ferrell is so stupid silly, he’s great. I love the characters he plays, although they are always the same, he does it so well. It’s a great stupid summer NetFlix rental. And it makes me thank god pantyhose are no longer a requisite at the workplace.

OK this post is way too long, so I will continue another day. Anyone want dating advice? I will dish it just for kicks!

I still have to talk about Wedding Crashers and The 40-year Old Virgin!

Saturday, July 09, 2005

Orange pants are my foil

Damn those orange pants and their need to be dry cleaned. And damn the dry cleaners for putting black stains in them to see if I am 'alert' when I pick them up!

Now for a little waterproof snapshot advice.
And we'll begin with a little story. Chinese people in th 1970s and 1980s (being Chinese, I can make this generalization) for some unforseen and illogical reasoning did not see a need for their kids to learn how to swim. Being a girl brought up in So. Cal less than an hour from an ocean that can suck life from this desert land faster than one can blink an eye, my parents still saw no need in edu-ma-katin their 3 children in the lifesaving skill of aquatics.

This inability to swim in water never affected my life for years. I maneuvered myself through land with great stealth and agility, and then it came. My vacation to Mexico....and for that I decided, God be damned! I need me some pictures of me snorkeling. And that's when I said hello to the YMCA swimming pool. Long story short, although I think it a little late for that now, I learned to swim in a pool that made me stink of chlorine for 3 days after each class, with extra floating bandaids, skin, and babies in diapers. It was an experience.

Waterproof cameras are indespensible whether snorkeling or playing in the pool. So many underwater memories have gone undocumented due to the catastrophic consequences of splashing delicate camera-obscura mechanics with a little water, until now. With the Pentax Optio WP, you can take this sleek looking camera with you to the beach, boat trip, or just to plain ol' Disneyland. This camera is the only thing that is completely waterproof. And when 7 year-old cousin Danny 'accidentally' pee-pees on the camera, you can still use it, if you really want to after that. With 5 megapixels, good apeture range, and light-weight body, the camera is a good pick for the vacationer looking for a versatile camera. Or you can just get a disposable underwater camera for all that crazy shooting, but that don't give you the zoom to catch sea monkeys in their natural habitat. And that would be a shame.

Thursday, June 30, 2005

looking for something good

I always want to write something witty and funny, you know, like slap your knee while you're eating PB and J, then realize how stupid that was cause now you have peanut butter and jelly all over your pants and you have to GO TO THE FRIGGIN DRY CLEANERS AGAIN! And though you're tired of their lies, you go back, time and time again.

Some truths I have learned over the past 3 days:
-comedians are only funny if they're on stage with a spotlight
-alcohol helps this situation
-when using greenscreen, HGTV often loses its way
-watching EXTRA for the first time in 3 years makes me feel dirty - like 'it touched me where my bathing suit goes' dirty
-all of the products I covered back in May for E!'s Summer Entertainment Guide showed up in many publicatiosn this month, including STUFF!
-and I just shot a pilot for HGTV : )

And guys, here is some news. as you may have noticed, my STUFF article got killed by the new editor-in-chief before its first printing, and therefore you will not see me in the mag this month. But you may be seeing some of my writing in other articles. i will let you know!

Monday, June 27, 2005

Just taped something.....

Hello world!

Holla! Guess who just finished taping a segment for the 'Mind of Mencia with Carlos Mencia' show on Comedy Central? That's right! Me!

I played the wonderful 'World's Only Unemployed Asian'. Get ready. I even end up with a prize! I don't know the airdate yet,, but once I do, you all can watch me...on basic cable TV! Even better.

Another worldly observation: Hipsters care more about decor than food. Suckers.

Thursday, June 23, 2005

Almost adjusted enough to relax

First thing's first. Dry cleaners are real bastards.

Now, after 4 days in the goood ol' US, I am almost totally unjetlagged. You may be asking yourself, what does that mean for me? Well, put simply, I no longer wake at an ungodly hour for no apparent reason and have nothing to do, hence I will go and pillage your home and garden in the wee hours while you're getting shut eye. As you can well see, re-adjusting to this timeframe is beneficial to the crux of society as a whole.

This is Part 1 of my Tunisia novella/memoir-ella. Read it, laugh, cry, pee, hate me, love me, then ask for another!

There is something elementary, extraordinary, and especially frustrating with traveling to a third world country. Now don’t get me wrong.

I just went ot Tunisia. Before you ask, ‘but why? Are you a GRAND world traveler?’ To which the author, a complete and utter admitted liar replies, ‘Mary mother of God, yes I am!’ but what I would be saying to you with my sign-language capable eyebrows is, ‘Tunisia was cheaper than both Greece and Turkey. There, you happy now?’

Many of you may be trying to map out the spectacularly extravagant life I must live, being able to holiday and all in AFRICA (which coincidentally is never italicized much, but thought it a nice touch at this juncture), but what I have to tell you may shock and dismay a number of you friends as well as a foe or two. And I am not really sure how it happened, but, yes, I went on an all-inclusive package vacation. Let the balking begin.

I must say one thing in my Tunisian package vacation defense, being an ardent back-packer/Lonely Planet trusting traveler, I never expected that I would be one of those people that decide to overpay some hotel to provide them with room and board, and stay in one central location for an entire vacation. But in Tunisia, it ain’t all that bad. Being on an all-inclusive trip is kind of like being on a cruise, but rather than deal with pesky sailing and those darned pirates, just imagine the boat hell-bent on staying docked on land. And the guests are just as Speedo clad, if they wear anything at all.

Now please allow me the luxury of explaining what an all-inclusive vacation package to AFRICA actually means, and this is all based on a departure from Germany. First you must pack, and pack lightly with a travel guide to give you an idea of what you have to look forward to in terms of the history, culture, sights, and food. Then haul your lazy ass off the bed ten minutes before the fascist regime that strongarms the airport decides willy-nilly to shut the gate on you. Scream - with as much dignity as possible, mind you, because you are after all, a holiday go-er at this point. Scream loud and summon tears if you can. This will help coerce them to understand that you couldn’t possibly have made the gate cut-off time of one-hour prior because you were cramping, or had to finish watching ‘Once And Again’ in German (do not tell them you wouldn’t be caught dead watching this show in the states in your native tongue, however). You see, watching the show in German has benefits, namely, you are trying to improve yourself by exposing yourself to new languages, cultures, and lives, and aren’t we all on earth to do the same thing? Grow and learn from TV? And going to Tunisia to watch their TV would do more than a piffy 4-year college degree anyday! At this point, the heaven’s gate music should kick in and an all powerful glowing light illuminates the door and invites you onto the plane. As you walk onto the gangway a champion, make sure to look back and using just your thumb and pinkly finger, lick your fingertips, shape your eyebrows, then give ‘em a point. Solid. Score: 1 for Chi-Lan, 0 for fascism.

Back to Tunisia. As soon as that shakey-ass plane flies it’s turbulance loving nose into the air, sit back, relax, and familiarize yourself with the location of any and all floatation devices. This plane seems to be piloted by a bunch of jokesters who enjoy flying this plane like it’s a roller coaster. See that cloud there? It doesn’t stand a chance to this 747. Shoot me please.

After a short stint hyperventilating, the plane lands without the nose masks every being deployed – to the huge shock and dismay of this traveler. Now get your ass out of that plane as soon as possible, or the jokester pilots may just take you back up for shits and giggles.

As you enter the customs area, head to the shortest line possible and content yourself with knowing that no matter how short the line nor the amount of people in it, it will not move and you will never enter the country. From the rear of the Tunisian customs room, it seems the immigration officers enjoy asking each and every individial what their plans are while in Tunisia, and if, say, a two-year-old’s stuffed bear refuses to answer, well, that officer gets up and takes a break. He has obviously never encountered such disrespect before. This translates into another hour in line waiting to enter the country. And whatever you do, make sure you do your best to NOT form a sensible line. Seriously, I didn’t think disorganization like this existed outside Microsoft corporate. I was wrong.

The package luckily includes transportation to and from the airport as part of the deal. You may be thinking guests are greeted with confetti, streamers, a large sign heralding ‘Welcome Chi-Lan to our humble country! Enjoy your stay!’ In a perfect world the smile of an all too tan tourguide leader would also excitedly hold a flag in one hand and a glass of champagne for me in the other. Banish those thoughts kids. As soon as you get through customs, walk straight to the hoards of ‘tourist package guides’, as there are plenty, and not many venture to Tunisia without locked accommodation during the summer season. And they don’t greet you, they don’t have time nor the patience for your antics. Thanks!

Sit in the bus for aobut an hour and wait another 45 minutes to be dropped off at a hotel less than 7 kilometers away and voila! Vacation has surely begun!

Thursday, June 16, 2005

MTV Overdrive part deux!

Hope that link works, if not, it should be under the MTV Overdrive, ON TV section. Check it out if you have time. OK, off onto a plane for me!

Wednesday, June 08, 2005

Apple switches to Intel debate...

Let the talking begin...

I guess I should have begun this earlier, but hey, I've been on vacation...

As for the comment on Apple switching to Intel chips, I think this joint venture is in step for Apple. They have switched chip families before, from Motorola's 68000 chips to PowerPC (IBM and Motorola's joint venture). That was about 10 years ago, and to stay competitive in the PC market, things need to make another shift, even if it is a grand one. I think this move is a few years overdue...

Being one that owns an Apple laptop, I, for one would sure like a hot to trot G5 laptop, but the PowerPC chip reportedly can't deliver the power and speed required within low-power-usages of laptops. Sidenote, imagine sitting yoru laptop on your lap to work, and as soon as you open Word, or better yet, Photoshop tooo! the laptopstarts to glow and burn your legs. Laptops affecting your sperm count is no longer an issue here. Thems sperm are most likely dead in the water.

To be honest, I am not sure if the switch from PowerPC to Intel chips will give Macs a larger share in the personal PC market, but I am sure this will help programmers trifold as they develop programs and one day in the future, maybe make ALL things Mac compatible! Oh to dream!

MTV Overdrive!!!!

Hey guys, here's what I did for MTV Overdrive...E3 baby!

(I hope that link works. It was sent to me and being on a Mac, well, let's just imagine me feverishly shaking my fist at the site)

Sure I didn't get totally indepth about all the cool new stuff stuffs you can get into at E3, but it was still fun. and I got to cut in line and look at the PS3. Rockin!

I am still in Germany, speaking embarrassingly small amounts of German, but putteriing around town buying water and bread, and looking at the greenest landscape Europe has to offer a visitor. Oh did I mention that the russian girl in the room next to me drinks a lot on her balcony at nights?

Push the button.

Monday, June 06, 2005

So it's been a while...

I know it's been a few weeks since I have posted, and there is no excuse except for my overall busy-bodyness of work, a trip to NYC, and my vacation to German (which I am still on, BTW).

Some great insights I would love to share with you all about this beautiful green country...

When entering the boarder, make sure you pack some Claritin.
German men are not shy about brandishing denim capris, or khacki capris, or capris of any material, for that matter. They like to wear them with sneakers - the animals.
The stereotype of older European men in speedos was just proven to me at a local hot springs location, that is if they are wearing anything at all - the animals.
Swiss people have an unexplained fondness for cows and pigs. And they think charging $4.00 is acceptable for melted cheese on a slice of bread. let me repeat, melted cheese on a slice of bread - the animals, for the last time.
Almost all Germans speak english and are super helpful and kind, but they hate Mondays. Everything closes on Monday and on this day, they say 'shut it. we are closed.' Otherwise, they are really nice.
And hangers are almost impossible to purchase anywhere in this country. I swear I tried.

Many European countries including Germany are known for their cutting edge electronics and bleeding edge design concepts. Judging from what I saw in Switzerland and Germany, the consumer electronics market is about the same. I am not sure what i expected to see when entering their version of Best Buy and various cell phone stores, maybe a phone that allows you to edit HD videos you shoot with the handset, while teleporting yourself to the local hofbrauhaus for dinner, I can't really say....what I did see were handsets similar to the market in US. In short, you are not missing much in technology, early adopters. What you are missing are the amazing coffee drinks, to die for desserts, a great country strongly rooted in its past and culture, and an invention called the Doner. It's a Turkish fast food invention like the falafel, but with meat...I hear it is delicious and just had a full-page spread in FHM here. Yes, food gets full-page spreads in FHM in this country. Talk about progressive!

Friday, May 20, 2005

Vegas is great / I f*%^ing hate Vegas

My sister's best friend got married in a small chapel with an intimate crowd of friends this past weekend. This weekend, the couple will have the traditional Chinese tea ceremony and reception.

We all went to Vegas for her small civil ceremony and I had a great time chasing my money while simultaneously paying the stupid tax. No matter how much I am up and winning, I can never walk away at a beneficial time (read with winnings in hand here). So I continue to play and pay and all of a sudden I am set back more than I make in a week. It is the Chinese blood in me that boils when I see money take its rightful place next to cards. OOOOOHHHHH YEEEEAAAAHHHHH.

All in all I played in over 5 casinos, won and lost over 3 days, and slept a total of 7 hours in 2 nights. I gambled the rest of time, minus the wedding.

And while driving home from Las Vegas to Los Angeles, I find it assinine to NOT stop at the state line to check out the casinos there and give them their rightful go at my money. Nope. leaving Nevada up one penny is just unacceptable to this little girl. So betwen gambling and window shopping I see an interesting display on Bonnie and Clyde Barrow's legendary car that drove them to their deaths. And I lose my bomb-ass phone.

I gues it is true what they say, what happens in Vegas stays in Vegas. I have learned to hate that line since. Friggin Vegas has my friggin cell phone and friggin SIM card. Frigging phone book and friggin friggin friggin.

Sony VIP Party

You know what I like about 'working the red carpet' at these gigs?

Here's a little set up. This is Sony's kick-off to E3 (you know, that extremely large, elephant in the room type videogame expo that draws more unshowered boys into one city block than a Star Wars-Star Trek convention to the death!). To create much media buzz and get the vultures out, Sony throws an uber excliusive party for an A-list guest list.

All that verbage means this: Sony throws a party for great looking actors/models and extras to eat and drink for free, oh and gives Nicki Hilton an excuse to get another free item. Yeah.

Conversation with Nicki Hilton goes like this:

Chi-Lan: So what brings you out here Nicki?
Nicki: Um, they told me if I came to the party, they'd give me a free PSP.
Chi-Lan: I knew they gave out free PSPs at this party!
Nicki: Yeah, they promised that I would have one in my hand when I walked out of here.
Chi-Lan: Loook Nicki, it ain't no secret that you're this incredibly wealthy hotel heirress. Don't you think you can afford to buy a PSP for yourself?
Nicki: It's not that I can't afford it, you can't buy it. And my brother's gonna probably steal it anyhow.
Chi-Lan: Good thing you came to this party begging for a PSP then.

But the night didn't end with that one riveting conversation, NO! I learned some great life lessons as well. for one thing, I learned from talking to a lit-up star of CSI and music video director that no matter how lit they get, they always manage to keep it together. Is there a super magical cocktail napkin that automatically absorbs the alcohol in their blood? Or perhaps it's a microchip that gets imbedded in their necks when they join SAG, either way, their abrupt soberness surprises and impresses me.

And that was how I spent Tuesday night before E3.

Friday, May 13, 2005

Off to Las Vegas!

Today I am off to Las Vegas for a friend's wedding, and yes, I will bring a couple extra bucks to put down on the roulette table for all you guys. What's your favorite number?

Friday, May 06, 2005

Appearance Updates!!!

All right, after 2 weeks of running a production marathon for Fox Reaity (I am still going strong here), I have a couple updates to give you guys.

Tonight on E! Entertainment, I will do a gadget segment for their 'E! Summer Entertainment Guide.' It airs
at 10:30pm E/P. Love that dual feed!

Stuff Magazine - looks like my article may be pushed to July or August, depending on when I can do the photoshoot. Sorry guys, but the concept (totally hot and underwraps right now...but I will reveal the secrets soon!) is gonna rock.

And to keep you all abreast of E3 happenings, I will be working with MTV2 and MTV Overdrive to deliver the coolest things gaming companies are flinging at the wall to see what sticks.

Ready, set, report!

Saturday, April 23, 2005

TomTom GO 700

Before I write a little bit about this cool GPS system, can I just say that I'd rather have my eyes gouged out and lemon juice squirted into them than watch another commercial starring Jessica Simpson's stupidity with Ashlee quick on her curtails. It's weird to think that a preacher (the Simpson dad) would actually say 'Jessica's hot in a T-shirt. She's got DD, how can she not be?'.

sorry, I just saw that Buffalo Chicken Pizza commercial and had to say, what the f*&k?

Now about this GPS from TomTom. Now this little GPS is really neat. It has a couple features which make it more likable than a puppy resting it's head on your lap. Now being a bluetooth enabled device, the TomTom allows you to answer and make calls by simply tapping the GPS's monitor. After almost hitting another car on the freeway while making a call, I see how this can be helpful. The TomTom can also get real-time traffic and weather conditions and if you're new to a city, you can also get helpful detailed city maps and points of interest. Do you need another nice feature? Well the TomTom adjusts its volume based on the speed you're going. So talkie talkie gets louder when you're speeding down the roadway. And if that isn't enough, the interface is easy and can be used in over 18 languages. Plus it speaks more tongues than a Carniceria that specializes in lingua.

Now anything that routes me around traffic is, to me, Jesus reincarnated, but the unit is kind of funny looking when it sits in your car. Oh yeah, I went there with the big J. Much like the TomTom Go we saw at CES, not only does the 700 appear a bit bubbly and cute to be sitting all day on your vehicle, it uses extra-hulk-superglue that sticks so hard onto your car, when you want to move it to another car, it'll be easier to cut the dashboard out. That said, what's a little dashboard sacrifice when you can get from point A to B without paying a toll or hitting traffic?

You can pick up the 700 for around 700. haha! I love it when it works out like that. coincidence? Or marketing? you decide!

Tuesday, April 19, 2005


Wil Wheaton had the same boss i did!!!! Holy snikies! He IS that horrible.

The guy's really a stupid ass.

Let's be honest here....I'm back!

Since I last posted, I have been traveling all over California and then started a new job. And I was afraid to post to my blog again because I had not done so for over 3 weeks. I winced at thinking that after all this time, I would write again and think that I could satisfy your needs. So I just didn't.

Then I started a new gig at Fox Reality Channel. That's right. I am helping to launch a new network that is all reality all the time. And let me tell you, this is on an accelerated schedule. But the people are great and the network seems like it'll succeed down the line.

Now let's get crazy with the cheeze whiz...or products as regular people call them.

Recently I did a gadget segment that will be on 'E! Summer Entertainment Guide'. In this segment I give you an overview of some of the hottest gadgets to have for the summer. And lemme tell ya, when you mention the network E! to these PR people, they return your call tout de suite. It was a complete change from what I used to deal with at G-snore. I mean G-bore. wait, it's G4. Hazaa!

Out of all the products I showed, I have to say my favorites are the Fugi FinePix Z1, the Adidas-1 microchip sneaker, and the TomTom GO 700. You need details? Then please, kind soul, read on for the Fugi FinePix Z1.

The Pugi FinePix Z1. Why, Chi-Lan, do you like this camera when Canon just came out with a 7.1 Powershot? Well put simply, Fugi sent me theirs to play with. You can't beat that with a riding crop smothered in peanut butter. But you can make a decent sandwich with it. The Zi comes in silvr or black. But honestly, the black is beautiful. The camera is the size of a deck of cards and packs 5.1 megapixels of picture punch. The Z1 isn't bad when it comes to pictures in low-light, which usually comeout noisier than a Pantera concert. But these are decent. And the 2.5" LCD screen actually adjusts brightness when you enter a low-light situation. For some reason, Fugi's decided that club hoppers NEED a decent 5.1 megapixel camera, and they will fill that void. Maybe they can also kick the doorman's ass for me when he charges me and my buddies $25 at the door. The camera comes out in June.

Oh, I have to go to work now. I am still writing for STUFF Magazine's gadget column and it is going very well. I love working at this new network. and I will write my other reviews soon. Like in less than 4 days, but as I have to do a shoot today, i must leave everybody again.

PS. Tomorrow is my birthday...

Tuesday, March 22, 2005

The Ho Patrol is in full effect

Living on the corner of Hollywood and Hooker, I find myself getting a little bored at home, and venturing out to find something interesting to do. Being that I can't party like it's 1999 anymore (that's so 5 years ago!), I took a drive with a couple friends.

During this short drive downmy street, I saw a guy sitting in a grey car call out to another guy walking by his car. This guy comes to his window and talks for a second. Then he walks to the passanger side and talks to the woman sitting in the car. Then guy in question gets into backseat and the car takes off. Next thing you know, curiosity takes over and the Ho Patrol begins chasing this car. I just wanted to see if they were going to park soon, I swear! But alas, after 4 blocks and many right turns and traffic lights, the car lost me. I guess when you're a John, you learn how to shake cars chasing you really well.

This little episode tells me I should think about staying in more.

Friday, March 18, 2005

I have one thing to say about St. Patrick's Day

Never underestimate the power of stupid people in large groups.

Saturday, March 12, 2005


It's March 12th and I got my taxes finished before the deadline! All I can say is paying an expert who knows about the ins and outs of every schedule, form, and possible red-flag is invaluable. Sure this argument is strangely familiar to what you said on your 18th birthday at the Green Valley Ranch in Nevada, but it's true. I did my taxes every year using at home computer programs and ended up owing. This year, I met a nice CPA and ended up getting a few bucks back. But my favorite pasttime will always be tax evasion!

Friday, March 11, 2005

Leaving G4 and joining STUFF Magazine

I am no longer with G4 everyone! That's right! And it feels soooo good! Sadly, there won't be a whole lot of gadget reviews anymore. As 'The Screen Savers' begins to retool the show in the coming week and lauch as a new name and direction (which I am sure you all are aware of from the G4 forums and DVD Talk - the critiques are spot-on by the way), I will not join them on the new show. I will instead appear elsewhere. Beginning first with STUFF Magazine's July issue. I am their new tech/gadget columnist, and it is awesome!!! As I write this column, I will continue to write this blog and tell you guys of weird fun gadgets. Hazaa! I am free!!!!

Monday, March 07, 2005


I watched a movie called 'Osama' (2003). It's an incredibly moving film and gives a haunting look at how women are viewed and treated in Afganistan. Here's imdb's synopsis:

A 12-year-old Afghan girl and her mother lose their jobs when the Taliban closes the hospital where they work. The Taliban have also forbidden women to leave their houses without a male "legal companion." With her husband and brother dead, killed in battle, there is no one left to support the family. Without being able to leave the house, the mother is left with nowhere to turn. Feeling that she has no other choice, she disguises her daughter as a boy. Now called 'Osama,' the girl embarks on a terrifying and confusing journey as she tries to keep the Taliban from finding out her true identity. Inspired by a true story, Osama is the first entirely Afghan film shot since the fall of the Taliban.

The actors are all amateurs from Kabul, and they did a stunning job. My advice: do not watch this movie on a 'sad' night, alone, in bed, powerful bad idea. powerful bad.

Monday, February 28, 2005

Crotches Across America

Thank you all for the support with my E! Entertainment appearance. I had a ball! It's weird because a daily show is pretty hectic, but their 9 hour live telecast was organized down to the minute. I was impressed when they came up to me and said, 'you're now on at 12:06, not 12:05.' It would have been interesting to see what they would have done had I gone CRAZY and screamed, 'Pushed one minute? you think I'm made of time? That's it. I'm outta here!' Then left the room chanting some Wicken spell-in a gown, and heels, with a PR person and products in tow.

Seriously, it was awesome; now all I have to do is have someone really like me E! and voila! I get to do more product segments on BASIC cable! ;)

You guys are so full of creative ideas, I want to throw something out there for you to nibble on. This Thursday, I am shooting a segment called 'Crotches Across America'. In this segment, I will spoof a human interest news story where I interview people from all walks of life, while showing off an LCD belt buckle that flashes whatever you want to put in there. Here's where you come in.

If you are interested in sharing your ideas for the 'people' across America that you would find interesting wearing this LCD belt buckle, write them in. They can be general or specific, and I will do the rest. I thought it would be fun to include you guys in one of my pieces, and this is one way I thought of. I hope you don't mind...and if you do, well I can tell you how to get down with cat butt soup.

Saturday, February 26, 2005

Eve of the E! appearance

I am spending Saturday preparing myself for my appearance on E! Entertainment's Red Carpet Countdown to the Oscars by catching up on all my Tivo-ed shows. I am a big fan of Aqua Teen Hunger Force and Lost. I'm real dedicated, I know. The best part is that I get to play with a bunch of products just for fun. TOUGH!

Has anyone seen 'Finding Neverland'? I really enjoyed that movie and at times, it does teeter on the edge of being overly sappy but never falls. The film tells the lively story of a washed-up playwright and how 'Peter Pan' came to be; also, the end was surprisingly touching. I almost cried, ALMOST!

Oh, and my favorite color is red.

Wednesday, February 23, 2005

I'm on E! Entertainment this Sunday!!!

Friends, foes, and fraggles, this Sunday I will be talking about products on E! Entertainment's Red Carpet event.


And I finally got my glasses back from the optometrist. You know, this year's prescription hasn't changed much, but I don't think I have EVER gone through a whopping 4 trial pairs of contacts to find 'the right one'. Damn, if I am having this much trouble with contacts that get thrown out every two weeks, I wonder what it'll take when I am looking adulterous goat to make a sweater from. haha, thought I was gonna say 'boyfriend' huh? I am making a sweater from the goat 's hair people. Simmer down now!

Tuesday, February 22, 2005

and the inseam stayed intact!

you ever notice how my face never changes?

you guys asked for more pictures, so here they come.

The Real Chi-Lan Stands Up

and shockingly enough, I do it daily, hourly even! Yes, this blog is me. Hoe can you tell? Dude...

Distraction - Wax Poetic Gameshow

The sweet poetry of sophomore humor has been rolled into a gameshow they call 'Distraction.' let me take a moment and tell you all why this show is SOOOO good. The purpose is to answer trivial questions while you're being tormented on set, being put through some of the most tortorous and confusing distractions your depraved mind could conjure. I am sad I am not a writer for that show...From wigs to cod pieces, we all mature with time. And ketchup. I like ketchup too. The single packets.

Distractions from the show: Answer tirvia questions...
1. when you know the answer, press button and someone smashes vase full of flowers on your head
2. win a new car by answering 4 simple questions, get one wrong, and they smash the winshield OR spraypaint the exterior OR slahs the tires OR throw bricks at the car.
3. and this is my absolute favorite: Drink two gallons of water, and to answer a trivia question, you need to sit on these toilets behind short stalls on-set, and your buzzer rings when you pee. PEE on TV people! FCC be damned!

I must have please the Gods on Mount Olympus because they have blessed with me with 30 miutes of pure human grandeur.

Today on TSS, Nextel phones in love

Since some of you are actually interested in my product insights, here's another.

You guys get a chance to watch my segment/skit about the indestructible Nextel i315 and i325 Phones? In short, the most common reasons phones break is because phones are dropped on ground, in water, used in rain and snow, thrown in rage, dog chewed on cell, or your tight pants caused the cell to burst-from sexiness of course. Well Nextel made phones that are military grade, which means they can withstand rain, sand, wind, and impact. Therefore, the only thing I could do is repeatedly drop the phone and throw it at a brick wall, for research and laughs. Mainly, it was for laughs. The phones are pretty sturdy, since they are made for hardcore work locations. But the best feature is the walkie-talkie function. It works even if the phone won't. it is great for disaster workers and the like. And there is a GPS function on the i325, but it comes at a hefty price tag, $400. Get yourself a Magellan Roadmate 300 instead. it's more, but it's worth it.

And one of these days, just because we're on live TV, I'd like to scream out 'HAMMOCK UP BOYS!'

Thursday, February 17, 2005

Another day, another pair of socks

It's Thursday and for a while there, I didn't think I would make it this far in the week with clean socks. Okay, I'm lying. I took a pair of my sister's, but I really needed them. One note of advice, wool socks and sneakers not a good idea in southern California. Really, no.

I am shooting a review of hte Delphi Myfi (portable satellite radio device) today, and the Nextel Indestructible phones segment will air Tuesday on The Screen Savers. yeah, I get to do reviews all the time now! it's great!

I'd better run to work. But before I go, you all seem like nice people with strong film opinions. Tell me what you thought about Million Dollar Baby. And if you haven't seen it, don't read the comments because there will be a spoiler. I will post my thoughts in the comments a little later today.

Tuesday, February 15, 2005

Jebus, will I ever sleep?

Not a whole lot interesting has happened, but I must say I got immersed in the movie 'BAD SANTA' while working out and couldn't stop until the movie ended. The movie is refreshingly brash, unsensitive, and alive with all the cultural 'no's' our moms and dads have taught us were bad over the years. Damn I find that movie good, silly good.

So after running for 45 minutes, I went home and as I walked up the stairs to my apartment (an entire floor!) I thought to myself, what did I do to have God spite me this much?! Damn.

And now it's 11:36 PM and I am sleepy. But that doesn't mean I'll sleep. Good night to the two people who read my blog. You know who you are, and I know who you are. It's a great relationship!

Sunday, February 13, 2005

Valentine's Day AGAIN

ok, mRobe review. short and sweet, it ain't worth your penny cause as pretty as it is, it don't got the junk in the trunk. I mean, the camera alone blows so bad I have to drop it like it's hot. The LCD viewfinder has issues refreshing, so it looks like you're constantly shooting with a slow shutter. Also, since there is no shutter button, to take the picture, you have to tap on the touchscreen, moving your shot more often than capturing the moment. Sure it's really pretty and the touchscreen interface is a cool concept, but it's got aobut three more versions before it actually poses a threat to the iPod Photo or Creative Zen.

Now with Valentine's Day upon us, I have decided to offer up advice in the category of amour if you are brave enough to ask it and possibly take it.

Actually, I am just incredibly excited about 'The Gates', the public art piece put up in Central Park by Cristo and jean-Claude. 26 years in the making and 20 million of the artists' own money brings a stunning walk of gates to the park during a grim season of chill and wind.

Ok it's late and I am lazy so off to bed I go! I wish you all a good night and not too much suffering as we all embark on another day that the greeting card companies devised to force our dependance on greeting cards and the like. I have nothing against flowers though. I'm no monster afterall.

Sunday, February 06, 2005

Sunday, rainy, and working.

It's a gloomy Sunday in Los Angeles, and I am sitting in front of a computer working. You know, I am a big fan of rain because it reminds me of the good ol' times in San Francisco. Those were my formative years, when I learned how to have fun, smile and let go of the woes in life because if I didn't, my girlfriends would smack me upside the head and ban me from that week's winedrinking/Top Model watching Monday night. You know what a girl's gotta do.

Thursday, February 03, 2005

My signature pose has taken me around the world. Here I am in Nuremberg, Germany.  Posted by Hello

Wednesday, February 02, 2005


OMG I just shot the segment for the super sexy-hot Olympus M:Robe 500 today.

One thing, why does my apartment always sound like there is a fire alarm going off? Quality housing in LA.

Ok, so the M:Robe is a sleek, futuristic MP3 player whose main claim to fame is the ability to create slide shows to music on the go. It has a touch interface, a large 3.75 inch LCD screen, and a 1.3 megapixel camera. Because of these simple features, it was chosen as one of the Best of CES this year. I say this because as far as I can see, there is nothing super crazy great about this MP3 player, except its asking price of 5 benjamins.

I will have a complete review here by Friday. But before you go, remember this, slideshows on the go is not always a good thing.' Remember that cousin who travels to interesting places and brings back only pictures of his girlfriend. 'Oh look, the building behind Tracey is one of my favorites' does not an interesting photo make.

Monday, January 31, 2005


Oy, darling readers! I apologize for my lackadaisical posting. I should have been more attentive and posted on the weekends as well as the weekdays! Well now I know, and knowing is half the battle.

If any of you watch ‘The Screen Savers’, you may have noticed that I am not around. I have decided not to sit in the nook anymore and focus more on my product segments.

In response to “The Simpson’s” tentatively scheduled February episode with a gay cast member to be outed, the reason why it is such big news and I pitched it to be talked about on the show is because the GAY CHARACTER GETS MARRIED on the show. A gay character on ‘The Simpsons’ is not the reason why we should have reported on it on the show, as the show did. Just thought you all should know. Misinformation is the devil’s interpretive dance.

Thanks for supporting me on the show guys. Being live daily is a grind and I will be back sporadically. So check in with me here. Or watch me karaoke in some weird bar in LA. Option 1 is the safer. Trust me.

Thursday, January 27, 2005


I am a Mac person. And that's beginning to show on the show. Today I showed off a really cool little app called FIRE.

It's a multi-protocol Im client and it's good. Sure it's no Trillian for the PC, but it's as close as anyone's come recently. Now go, I swear your chats will be more prolific thanks to this little piece of freeware!

Monday, January 24, 2005

1/24/05 Road Trips are a' comin'

Ahh the sweet siren song of the open road calls and all I can do is answer. The last time I threw caution to the wind and hopped into my car for a trip to remember, I got lost, ate water logged cheese, and my travel buddy picked at my hair because there was nothing else to do!

Vowing never to take another cursed road trip again, I have compiled a list of all the gear you’ll need to make this sojourn and your travel buddy enjoyable. What can I say? Technology has made me a convenience zealot.

With the Magellan RoadMate 300 securely attached to my windshield, I will be lost no more! This fairly small unit is most compact and least expensive model from the GPS giants, Magellan. It promises to get you where you’re going - with a soothing voice (not like the mean ones inside of your head!) to guide you along the way. Even the name sounds adventurous!

Magellan RM 300 Features:

• Store up to 110MB on the internal memory, including preinstalled maps of the major roads of North America
• 14 parallel GPS channels; WAAS-enabled (Wide Area Augmentation System) for extreme accuracy to within 3 meters; TrueFix technology
• 3.5" color touch-screen display with 320 x 240 resolution and up to 32,000 colors
• Turn-by-turn guidance with voice prompt and auto rerouting
• Holds up to 2 million points of interest, 600 addresses (200 x 3 users), 30 tracks and 2,000 trackpoints
• Store additional maps on Secure Digital memory cards (not included) via built-in memory card slot
• Software includes 48 U.S. state maps and full coverage of Canada, Hawaii and Puerto Rico preloaded and ready to use

You know what really chaps my hide? Heat. Like the skin-scorching temperatures from your laptop as you’re watching the first 30 minutes of LOTR. Ouch! Well Lap, I’d like you to meet Averatec 6200 Mobile Theater laptop. What sets it apart is its ability to play DVDs without having to turn on and boot the PC. That means the computer won’t get hot while you watch a DVD. And with 260 minutes of play power from one battery charge, you can watch that LOTR epic without suffering 3rd degree burns. Plus you’ll have a computer for your travel journal. You plan on keeping one, right?

For a full-on, teched out article on the Averatec, check out Lab Rat Lawson Wong’s review:

Let me take a moment and tell you how I ended up on a long trip with the water logged cheese. Long story short, cheese goes in cooler with ice, ice melts, ruins my cheese, and I die a little inside. Today, I give all you travelers a solution to your hot and cold food needs for those long tumbleweed-filled drives.

The Sharper Image Hot + Cold Car Snack Box ($60) Features:
• Portable "mini fridge16 1/2" x 9 1/2" x 7 1/2" and weighs 8 lbs.
• Secure it on or between the seats and plug it into dashboard power socket.
• Peltier Effect electronics allow you to select "Cold" or "Hot."
• Insulated interior holds at least six 12-oz. beverage cans and a sandwich.

Now for one of the hottest little devices I’ve ever gotten my hands on: the Delphi MyFi –the first personal and portable XM satellite radio. What makes this thing so cool? Well MyFi fits in the palm of my hand, looks stylish, and gives me over 130 radio stations in the car, at the gym, and everywhere else.

The palm-sized MyFi, comes with a rechargeable integrated battery pack, antenna, remote control, headphones, home kit and vehicle kit, it’s perfect for the road, plane, or short walks to the kitchen.

Delphi MyFi Portable XM Satellite Radio:
• The first personal and portable XM satellite radio
• Breakthrough time-shifting "Memory Mode" capable of storing up to five hours of XM programming
• Integrated, rechargeable battery
• Built-in FM transmitter to make any FM radio and XM radio
• Everything you need in one package for car, home, and on-the-go
• Info Extras include a personalized stock and sports ticker
• Live XM listening mode
• Up to thirty channel presets
• Large, illuminated six-line LCD display

May peace and good fast food be with all you roadies as you take this sojourn by storm. HALLLOOO!

Saturday, January 22, 2005

DJ Q-Bert

Today I got to see DJ Q-Bert spin TWICE! I saw him on the set of TSS and at the Viper Room. All's I gots to say is DAMN.

I am not feeling so well so I have to put my sorry, whiney, pathetic booty to bed because my Saturday is full of parties and fun. I'm talking dentist appointment baby! Yeah. Bring it. And when you bring it, bring reinforcements cause I'm gonna knock it down.

Thursday, January 20, 2005

Awesomely Odd Products

Today is my first posting on my blog. Yup. I have decided to leap head first into the early nineties and create myself an online journal. Sure I should have a website, blog, servers, and a side of fries with all that, but to be honest, I am not an hugely public person, plus, who would want to read what I have to say? Well if you’re reading this, I guess you might. So this is why I started Chubby Brain. I guess I needed a place to write, so thanks for visiting.

A little bit about me. I have been working in TV for over 6 years and currently I host a cable show called THE SCREEN SAVERS, which airs on G4. I do a lot of product reviews, so I will post what I have covered recently here.

And today, I did a segment I like to call AWESOMELY ODD products. These are the products that were sent in and have no real point. Nonetheless, they are entertaining and at times, a downright hoot.

DVD Rewinder - Never Pay Another DVD Rewind Fee Again!
Lemme tell you a story about the DVD Rewinder (; $24.99). Now if you saw the segment, you should understand that the product is a joke. DVDs DO NOT NEED TO BE REWOUND. But the funny part is, during the show I am chatting in the IRC chatroom and soooo many people wrote to me, ‘um. DVDs rewind themselves’ and ‘this product is really unnecessary, IMHO.’ Oh right, thanks for clearing that up. Just gimme a sec while my wet cheese toast brain absorbs that.

Geek Man - Action Figure for the Ordinary Man
If you’re in love with Geek stuff for the sake of geekdom, well I have the perfect toy for you. Enter the Geek Man (; $15.99). He is the epitome of a jaundiced, Steve Jobs outfitted, pocket-protector brandishing crazy work-force warrior that attacks his days with his way too hot coffee mug, PDA, laptop, and removable glasses (Glasses on=Geek Man, Glasses off=still ugly).

Vinyl Killer - All-In-One Record Player
Hey Mr. DJ, put a record on. Oh wait, you say you just got that record and it is scratched and won’t play? And you paid a mint? Homey, get yourself a little thing called the Vinyl Killer (;; $80-120). This all-in-one cool, compact device that is molded into a nice roomy hippie van incorporates a record needle, speakers, and a super easy on and off switch. The come in a slew of colors to fit your fancy, and then there are the special editions, silver and blinged out gold. Just smashing. All right, even thought you’ll find this product nowhere near the Dollar Store (i.e. get your Benjamins ready), it is worth it so you can check your rare records before you buy. But remember, this thing is called the Vinyl Killer for a reason, so if you use this to play your records, they ain’t gonna be records for long.

Ear Bags - Bandless Ear Muffs
This is honestly one of the most pointless things I have come across in my life, and being a lover of Contemporary Art, there’s lots of competition for that title. Well Ear Bags (no I didn’t misspell that) are bandless earmuffs. There isn’t a band around your head, but you still have fleece to cover up your ears. And boy, your ears stay toasty. Now in cold-ass Germany I could have used these things, but now that I live in LA, they don’t help much, plus the name is just queer. You can get yourself a little bag action at - $12.95.

Peace brothas and sistas