Wednesday, August 03, 2005

The awesome power of blogging

You'll be happy to know that instead wiping down my bathroom mirrors to erase the shameful streaks created in-part by Lysol disinfectant wipes, in-part by my utter laziness to get real glass cleaning stuff, I decided to write in my blog. Being that I don’t blog so often, I thought, since I am inspired, I’d better get typing before the excitement wears off.

You guys know what I did last night? I went to work the Red Carpet Premiere of ‘The Skeleton Key’. (Allow me to digress. The Simpsons is too funny, it’s hard to blog while it’s on the TV.) Ok, so back to the premiere. Kate Hudson arrived fairly early to get through the interviews and as soon as she was in eyeshot (I was in 5th place, after ET, Access Hollywood, Extra, and E!), I thought to myself, Wow. Ms. Hudson was wearing a black gown that was COMPLETELY transparent, with diagonal sequins going across the gown for decoration. Let’s just say I could clearly see below her black thong, and if her little poop machine, Ryder, was there, he’d be grabbing for the mom-juice the entire time.

As was expected, Kate Hudson was extremely kind, believes in spirits, and that when we pass, we go to another place. That and she has a very heave handshake. I thought I saw her place her foot squarely on the ground and push off the other leg as she shakes with her entire 90-lb bodyweight. Good god, some woman has a stronger handshake than I? The world is on pins-and-needles.

As for Joy Bryant, I just wanted to ask her, ‘Are you related to Kobe?’ Are you his wife or sister? But I knew better. She was really beautiful in person, a statuesque woman who ‘respects’ voodoo, hoodoo, or magic. Whatever you want to call it, the funniest thing about it is once her aunt found out that Bryant was cast in a movie that dealt with hoodoo (a branch of voodoo with more focus on folklore and magic), her aunt had her perform certain rituals to ward off evil. Crazy crap huh? I love the world sometimes. All this being admitted while her meanie of a PR person was staring me down telling me to ‘wrap it up.’ An Asian girl giving me attitude? What’s up with that? It’s as if she doesn’t respect the irrefutable bond that all Asian girls share. And forever she will be banned from the Chi-Lan club. And once you’re out, you ain’t never coming back!

That’s about all I got. But wait, lemme give you all a quickie review of ‘Wedding Crashers.’ The movie reaches me in a special place in my heart because, while living in SF, I made it one of my most important responsibilities to crash as many weddings as humanly possible within a month’s time. I made it to two, one an Ethiopian wedding (which was AWESOME mind you!) and the other a traditional and beautiful affair. I wasn’t there for the sex, just the food. I was poor and wanted to eat, what do you want from me? Ok, as far as the movie goes, Owen and Vince shot a wonderfully hysterical movie that deals a lot with love, friendship and just silly raunchy fun. Lots of boobs if you’re into that too. My only beef is that Owen’s character was lacking when placed next to the biting, hysterical Vince. Now, Owen is a talented actor who has incredible comedic timing that usually underscores nuanced performances, however here, Owen didn’t really employ ‘the funny’ as much. Maybe that is what the script called for, but come on! The laughs were all coming from Vince Vaughn. And as usual, he’s playing the female crazed, head-in-the-game, funny, sarcastic guy he plays in all his roles, but here, it works just as well as it has anywhere else. The movie is fun, and Vaughn makes it a laugh riot. Can’t wait to see the same character being reprised for his next movie, and next movie, and next movie. Hey, if it works, don’t fix it.


Brent said...

I had to laugh reading your piece Chi-Lan… hey you being Asian haven’t figured out that Asian woman are sassy!!!!! I’ve bonded with a few Asian women in my day too.. ha ha. Oh and Hoodoo is odd to you… well I can tell you are not from the old country.. My ex mother-in-law wanted to pick the day and time my then wife and I built our house… oh and it couldn’t be at the end of the street.. because bad luck might go into it. A good many of my friends are Asian here… however they are only a little superstitious.

And another thing!!!! Why are you staring at thongs? Ha ha ha ha

Marcus said...

I'll clean your bathroom if it gets me in the fan club. Anyway, will your interviews on the redcarpet be televised with you in it or is it just one of those deals where they get soundbites from the movie stars?

Crashing a wedding for food sounds like a good idea. I almost killed myself last semester living on cans of chili and popcorn from costco (less than $.75 a day).

Oh, and if you think Simpsons is funny, try changing the channel to Charmed...when they get their 8pm timeslot back. Their on at 7pm for now. Oh, but avoid Shannon Doherty. Not only on Charmed, but also in probably know why already.

Michael said...

I agree, Vince totally stole the show. He's just got such a powerful delivery in the first place, y'know? Fuckin funny.

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