Unusual Bruises

You ever just wake up in the morning and think, OUCH! Damn! What the hell happened and why does the top of my shoulder feel so bruised? Those my friends are the markings of a good holiday party. That's right. CW NOW had their holiday party over the weekend and it was open bar. Hello, that is the only language I speak when I am out and about. So...everyone was there, every producer, assistant, exec, PA, everyone. And I was partaking in my slight share of the freeflowing of drinks. I kept it light and ladylike with what I call 'bellinis' (hold pinky up when saying this to get the full effect), champagne topped with a splash of cranberry, because honestly, who knows what label of bubbly they're packing back there. For all I know, the champagne could have the soul of Nick Nolte in his DUI picture, but with a splash of juice, it sings like Whitney Houston before Bobby Brown.

Did I ever tell you about the time I woke up with the WORST headache in San Francisco? I was visiting some old friends after I had moved down and was staying at a hotel at the Wharf. Well I wake up to this banging headache, thinking, wow, did I really drink that much? I thought my lush days were done and done. Then after begging the bellman to bring me up some aspirin, and as my bitch of a friend, also hung over, just moaned and made me fetch the pills from the door, I finally jumped in the shower and decided to wash my hair. Yes, the memory is that vivid. Anyhoo, as I am washing, I touch the back of my head as I am scrubbing, and I let out the most volatile scream since Janet Lee in Psycho. I swear I heard wolves holler back at a girl. Now how the hell did the back of my skull be pounced on so bad? I don't remember getting punched. As I explained to my friend sleeping in the bed next to me about my weird head thing, he said, you don't remember? You got into a fight with a door. And then it all came rushing back. That damn door knob was giving me the evil eye and I needed to show it a lesson. After a small tangle with the wine cube at my friend's place, I decided the door needed to be taken down a notch, and boom! Door knob, meet my head, head meet the door knob.

Oh back to my holiday party story, so much debauchery to speak of but I am late for work. So I have to run. I am working the premiere of Charlie Wilson's War, a funny political story about one man who didn't seem so good at his job, doing great things in his position. and it wasn;t in the lateral position either! Although he was known for that. Did that joke make it anywhere? anyone, anyone, bueller?