Wednesday, September 26, 2007

And if you'll indulge me, I have to tell you about my first 'Red Carpet' and Britney underwear experience. First off, I know many of the readers of this blog are of the XX chromosome group, so I am not sure why I am gonna talk about heels and underwear, but then again, I should ask why you're reading this SIR! :0)

Anyhow, today I did a story on the up and coming designer Jenni Kayne. Her clothes are carried in a store called Intermix, which opened tonight in Los Angeles. After showing off her Fall 2007 line, she dressed me for said store opening, and I am to walk the red carpet. Flash forward to 7 pm, I arrive all dolled up in a fairly expensive and somehow increasingly short hemmed black minidress. Sure it is a beautiful short frock with patent leather piping on the edges, but when I sat down in the car, duuuude, i almost saw my hip bone. Not only that, but being the graceful and ever vigilant Chinese driver I am, I pull up to the valet thinking I can turn it into the driveway, and have many valets yell at me, 'NOOOO!!!!!'. Then I have like 5 managers of the sidewalk tell me, reverse! Yeah bro, I am gonna reverse my big ass Camry into one of the busiest streets full of people with lawyers on retainer, Robertson Blvd. That's what I am gonna do. Anyhoo, once the LAPD got involved - I swear, only in LA does the LAPD get involved with a car pulling legally into a driveway - I pulled out right quick, and drove around the block. Now this experience would seem totally fine and I'd have nothing to blog about, but you know me. So the forces of good and evil get together and somehow, my already short skirt gets shorter and creeps itself up while i am in the car. No harm, no foul. I am in my car and doing all right. Well all ain't well and good when I turn that corner and pull up to the valet. All I know is pulling up, the valet's eyes would not leave my crotch area. Curious to see why the f*(% this creep won't focus on where my eyes are, I look down and say, 'For F*(% sake.' Totally an unnecessary Britney moment. At least I am not famous enough to have photographers flash at my crotch when this mistake happens.

Now did I mention my inability to walk in 5 inch heels, the same 5 inch heels most women covet and line up at stores to suffer for? Well this flatfooted little asian sister says 'Hells no!'. So what does it feel like to enter a red carpet and have some dude announce who you are and have the photographers snap many pictures of you?

If my brain was able to stay a working organ and remember, I would tell you, but literally, all those photographers, like 5000 of them (and my 5000 I mean 3 and when I say 3, I mean like 30), are all calling my name CORRECTLY!!!!! and telling me, cross your legs, uncross your legs, look over your shoulder, second level, up here. The experience was soooo crazy, I literally think I blacked out and my brain threatened to walk out on me. Luckily, I said to my brain 'okay, truce' and it came back to me. But not without a good beating to let me know who is boss. My brain's a jerk.

6 comments:

mikepittenger said...

We need pictures of your outfit. You have a great body and it should be shared with the world.

Brent said...

Ya know....

Chi Lan... ya come here talking about your crotch and then telling us you had 5000 pictures taken of you.

Hmmm why don't you have uncle Fred take some more pictures of you and post them on your Flickr site? Remember the little people.. ha ha

Axe said...

It would be nice to see this televised :-)

Media Outsider said...

I keep seeing you on TV, and then I have to keep looking you up online to see who you are. Consider me smitten (platonically, of course). And as the others said, WE NEED (MORE) PICTURES.

Dr V said...

This post is insanely funny! Those "sexy" shoes and dresses don't take those mishaps into consideration. Or do they? ^_* What can be more alluring than a woman in a microscopic mini, and falling of those high-heels with the cameras rolling? haha If the photographers were barking orders at you, making you look suspiciously mime-like, then it means you were inspiring. Keep up the good work.

Rick said...

I am so proud of you for not going commando, good for you Chi Lan. Great blog as usual.