yeah, this looks absolutely delicious with its artful color composition and two small bites taken out of it. Hell, even the plate was a good choice. But lemme be the angel of truth and say this tastes like baby vomit. Baby because anything that comes out of those little dudes can't be all that bad, but vomit is vomit. WURD.
Now you guys know I was at an audition earlier today for a casino. Great! quick photo and I was off to my second audition. It went swimmingly, plus I got to reconnect with a friend. Then I was off to Irvine, CA for my third audition of the day. Dude, I haven't been this busy since a friend asked me to help them move and there was no way because my day was jammed, i swear. It sounds like such fun too, we could have ordered pizza and beer and made a day of it! shoot!
Ok, so this last audition, which leads to my odd burrito, but in a round about way. This last audition was for a morning show on KCET. I assume it's on-air, so I usually dress in my style, kinda funky and fun. I walk into the hotel, which is located just off huge farms of dead grass. Crap, either they are tricking me to come out here to kill me, or i have just entered the Twilight Zone and am really overdressed. Anyhoo, I make it to the correct Radisson Inn (clue #1 this is bad). But i get a cup of coffee from the lobby and it is delicious, so my guard goes down. I walk upstairs to the waiting room and all i see is a room about 20x20 full of chairs all facing the door. And everyone is dressed in suits and business attire (clue #2). What is this? A Landmark Forum seminar? Suits and ties and skirts down to the knee and heels, plus everyone looked at least 15 years older than me - but when you look like a nubile 16 year old, I mean, it's easy to do. :) after you guys finish dry heaving, keep reading.
So I sit there and all I can see is this one guy, kinda a sales dude, totally chatting up these two females. two of the three in the room besides me and he is telling them all this crap, and all i can hear is his voice. they never say a word. and i am sitting there through 2 magazine articles. And i ain't reading US weekly, there are sentences involved here. I am trying for the life of me to remember a line this guy said.....anyhow, there was one particular line he said where he drew a parallel to himself and a famous person, and all i thought was, what a douche bag. In my mind, I was gagging at his stupidity. and his fucking red button down shirt in his suit. Who the f*(k wears a red shirt under their suit? who is he, santa claus or the devil? either way, he's a douche. which btw, clue #3.
Anyhoo, I get to the meeting with this woman and did i mention about a year ago in this post that it is for a morning show on KCET? Well morning shows I can do, very lifestyle oriented and sounded fun. Plus in the audition they said, knowledge of Orange County happenings is helpful, but not necessary. Ok so I roll up and this lady introduces herself. let's call her Nathalie, also wearing a knee length black skirt. Me in a pink frilly wifebeater with chunky punk pearls might not have been the right choice. So she talks to me and this is how it goes:
N: how much do you know about Orange County politics?
C (jaw on floor at this point): I'm sorry?
N: repeats herself
C: well the audition posting said this is more lifestyle oriented, not politically. And knowledge of lots of OC happenings wasn't necessary. I know OC a bit, I know it's a great place to hang out and play. I am more of a lifestyle performer. Plus, I've been following the Democratic nomination process and haven't been able to get into who's running for Mayor of Tustin right now.
N: yeah, this show's been changing a lot, it's now weekly instead of daily.
C: and political instead of lifestyle, like 'Life and Times', right?
N: yes, so tell me about your background.
At this point I go on about my resume and the shows I've done, and as i finish, she says well thanks so much. As i mentioned earlier, we can't really chat that long cause i don't want to keep the others waiting, and i shake her hand and say good bye. But actually I think, bye and thanks for nothing and by 'nothing' i mean making me drive 130 miles RT to talk about OC politics.
orange County, the last Republican bastion in California. need I say more?
So i finish up in a record breaking 45 seconds, this audition, and i race out to my car to discover, it's only 2:30. So at this point, if i start heading home, I won't hit too much rush hour, which is great. So instead of stopping for food, my main goal since I haven't eaten since yesterday, I get into the car and on the freeway.
I get home and race into the kitchen, with a caffeine headache like no other. I need food. What do i decide to make? Well since i have eggs, delicious tomatoes, fresh mushrooms, spinach, basil and garlic, I think, I will make myself a nice scramble, and put it in a tortilla for some oommph. So as I am cooking it smells delicious. And right before i throw my eggs in, i think, i really like milk in scrambles. But it's been about 2 months since milk has crossed my thresh hold, so i see the Vanilla soy milk and grab it! I pour it in, and think, wait vanilla soy. soy does a weird chalky thing in coffee, but whatever, this is cooked. and will vanilla flavoring do crazy things to my eggs? too late now. toss and scramble.
I put the food on a plate, get utensils and sit down to enjoy. I take my first bite and all i can say is, why does this taste so funny and chalky. well played vanilla soy. i see you have not failed your mission of crapping in my eggs. and that, my friends, is how my burrito turned into crap. but i still ate it all. i am disgusted with myself and with the aftertaste.