this world is wack

OK, there are a couple of crazy things i have been meaning to mention on this blog, and i am sure you all have noticed it and are up in arms - outrage of a thousand fire hoses, if you will.

1. new fashion fad of pregnant shirts and dresses - now i cannot for the life of me understand why my shopping in Europe pretty much just consisted of me getting angry and silently waving my fist of fury at each store because all they stock currently are tops and dresses that are soooo full at the bust and bottom, they could fit the belly of a sextuplet mom-to-be whose fetuses are carrying their own twins. How can wearing parachutes on a daily basis look that appealing? I guess the hot weather works well with loose fitting clothing, but come on! So what do I do? I buy myself a green mu mu that would make many a man loving Al Bundy's mu mu jealous.

2. Fashion fad that almost blinded me - shortalls and overalls. OMG, can someone please tell me why fashion keeps trying to resurrect one of the worst fads of all time, pants and shorts with bibs for ADULTS? On children, these garments are ultra cute, but for the adults of the world, why are we trying to push the public's dependence on denim bibs, connected to pants? Sure the bibs and straps help hold those baggy pants up, but is there a belt phobia i am unaware of? If you're working in the yard or farm or car, sure, go ahead and jump in an overall or 2. if you're not, jump off a cliff cause you don't wanna know what'll happen if i see you walking down the street trying to 'bring back the shortall!' I will lose my sh*t. Hugs!

3. Our people seem to be devolving - or at least a certain woman who goes to the gym on Saturday afternoons is...
Tell me wonderful people, how can a woman think it's A OK to highlight her hair in the shared women's locker room at the local 24 hour fitness? I, an unsuspecting hand washer walk up to the sink at the gym this afternoon, am overtaken by an odd chemical smell. I look to my right towards the stalls, but before my eyes can fully whip the 90 degrees over, they are stopped, no stunted in movement, by an older woman...wearing only a towel...on her bottom half...with arms up...using a plastic squirt bottle to inject store bought hair dye into her roots. I don't know what shocked me more, the fact that her way large aureola breasts were hanging out loud and proud while she was maneuvering her youthful new hair color in and out of her roots, or if it was that I didn't recognize the name on the box of brown dye she had sitting right on the sink edge. Now if you'll indulge me, not like you haven't by letting me rant, I must give you some background on this gym. It is the only open 24-hours gym in the neighborhood, and honestly doesn't have the best nor newest equipment, but traffic going that way is pretty good, so i usually hit it when I am in the area. Today, I was in the area and around the aureola. Do I need to put up a sign that says, DON'T DYE HAIR IN SINK? I thought it was common gym etiquette.

and that is it for today.

Griffith Park Fire

Hi all, I know some of you are aware that I live in Los Feliz, just south of the base of Griffith Park.

As you probably have heard, the fire has ravished abut 300 acres of historic Griffith Park. The flames have not touched my place, and though the homes 2 block away have been evacuated, we think that the fire will not be able to jump the main road, Los Feliz Blvd.. There was smoke that entered our home, but we are all safe and Moose, my dog, is all right. We have the AC on and are keeping fans running to get the smoke moving and hopefully out of our home. It is intense to look up out of our balcony and see an orange sky....but we know that the firefighters are doing all they can to contain the fire. It's really sad. I was concerned all day, but with the evening settling in and making firefighting so much more difficult, I am at a loss for words.

and with that, I say thanks for all your concern.

Leaving for vacation!!!

Now you all know my screws are a little loose up there in the noggin, and let me tell you, I have been stressing out due to 1) my trip and leaving for 9 days and 2) tax deadline.

Now although my Monday was pretty successful, can I just say I was sweating all weekend long because I needed to open up a SEP IRA (a retirement account for self-employed people - plus I said I would put money into so I can reap some tax benefits) in my taxes. and since my return was completed in early April, I thought, oh, no problem! I will get that opened and fund that puppy quick-like. And in true Chi-Lan form, somehow I picked the slowest company to open an account with and BOOM! Like lightening hitting metal rods and melting sand into glass in 'Sweet Home Alabama', I am scrambling like crazy last night to OPEN this account. Got it open, now funding it electronically is not allowed, so I pop my silly butt into the car at 10 pm, sister and Moose in tow, and we drive 20 minutes to drop off an envelope that will hopefully show the IRS that I am not a liar, and I really did contribute to my retirement. YEAH!

I also started packing for my lovely trip to Germany yesterday because today has like 3 minutes free, and I'd rather be blogging than packing. Lucky for me, I have no qualms about packing like a 9 year old child, so i went into my closet, picked the tops I wanted, put two hands up, palms facing each other, closed in on the chosen 'winners', walked the clothes on hangers to the suitcase, and released. Voila! Packed! Now when I unpack, sure it'll take just a hair more effort, but I envision the night to be like this: open suitcase, grab hangers, move to closet, and hit the sack. Genius! If you don't worry about wrinkles or carrying on the pretense of adulthood, then this is the packing strategy for you!

Now if there was only a gadget that would make packing easier than this...

No jury duty?!

OMG! Can you believe that I didn't get called in to see either Judge LAnce Ito nor Diane Sawyer's faces telling me that I am providing a great service to my community? Well, I did complete a service. I like to call it 'disgruntled brat of LA county.' Others may regard it as a shining sliver of service in an otherwise overcast and bleak world, overrun with mongrels out to eat only bones and bread. Why bread? Why not ask, why mongrels? Hmmmm.....discuss.

So it is Friday and I have been home writing scripts all day long. Let me tell you, after a crazy windstorm blew through LA and knocked down many a power line in LA, it's odd that the next day, the day I choose to stay home and work, is absolutely GORGEOUS! The sun shines, it's warm, and my dog Moose, gets outside to kick some jogger ass. Did I mention he's aggressive and a chihuahua? I like to call him BM for Big Moose or Bowel Movement. You decide.

So what is my insanely attention deficit disorder mind fixated on for these next few seconds? Grindhouse of course! Can I just tell you that when I heard about the over 3 hour long film, I thought, crap. Last time I saw a movie that broke the 3 hour mark was Lord of the Rings: Return of the King. Though it was spellbindingly beautiful and an awesome flick, by the 2.5 hour, I started trying to stretch in my chair, and by the end of the movie, i had forgotten how to walk and how to pee. Old age is getting to me. That reminds me, my birthday is soon...April 20th.

So back to Grindhouse, what do i think? I think Tarantino's film 'Death Proof' is a lot better than Rodriguez's. Now granted, Rodriguez created a straight homage to the B zombie movies of yesteryear, but at the same time, when you have two flicks side by side, you have to be able to compare and contrast. And i liked Tarantino's because of the action, dialogue and twists! Now Rodriguez did have some silly funny dialogue moments, and Freddy and Rose did great jobs as the leads in the film, but still...At one point, I got up to get more popcorn.

Is 'Grindhouse' worth $11.75 to see? Well, personally, I don't think you lose anything by seeing it on TV, so you can wait for the video. But if you can find an $8 movie theater, man up, grab your wallet, insert your catheter and get ready to get grossed out and laugh.

Jury Duty

And did I tell you all that I am on jury duty? That's right! an entire week of nothing to do but wait for a recording to tell me if I need to report so I may do my part for society by paying it forward through our judicial system.

And I have made it as far as Thursday without having to go in. Last couple times this happened, I get called in on Friday and sit there, doing absolutely nothing. GAWD! But I did get a 'pep' talk by Judge Lance Ito. yes! the OJ Simpson Judge Ito talked to my group of 400 or so disgruntled citizens who are more interested in being released than serving on a jury. Honestly, I would not mind serving, except many cases last two weeks or more, and being a freelancer, the $15 jury service pays won't really pay for the mortgage if I don't work. :(

Crazy!